We go from 8 Mile to 8 minutes in the blog today.

Dudes, I just had the fastest dentist appointment of all time. And you know how I know how fast it was? Because “American Pie” was on the office radio when I sat down in the chair, and it was STILL PLAYING when I got up. The internet tells me the song is somewhere in the vicinity of 8  minutes 33 seconds, so: fastest dentist appointment EVER.

It was also the most soap operatic dentist appointment ever. First of all, one of the dentists is capital H Handsome, so I got to enjoy watching several ladies (office clerks and patients alike) fawning over him. More fascinating, though, was the letter posted in the reception area detailing the EXTORTION attempts of the neighboring business. Sweartogod!

My dentist’s office is in an old colonial in the suburban village center near my house, and its tiny parking lot is accessible only via the tiny parking lot behind the neighboring colonial, in which is housed a marketing firm.

Apparently, the marketing firm announced sometime this summer that they would no longer allow dental patients to drive through their lot unless they got A) free dental treatment and B) upwards of ten thousand a year for lot upkeep and plowing. Ridiculous!, I thought, as I read the letter, and apparently my dentists agreed. “We deemed these demands to be EXTORTION* and refused to comply; we regret that our lot is no longer available to our patients,” the posted note read.

Oh my goodness, I love it. Dramz at the suburban dental practice! Ooh la la!

Sure enough, as I walked several blocks back to my car, I saw that the marketing folks had blocked off access to the dental practice’s parking lot. Bastards. Bastards with teeth not nearly as sparkly and swiftly cleaned as mine.

*The caps here are, for once, not mine, but appeared in the source material.

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